The world throws enough at us that if you live long enough, you will be burdened. Life is like the waves of an ocean, the ups and downs never stop. Everyone refers to the “Job” story for inspiration whenever they experience trials and tribulations; this happens often because adversity never stops. Like the OCEAN, nothing can stop the adversity – not money, the government, other people….
When consolation returns, further difficulties are around the corner. Let’s discuss one positive from the trials of life – it can be an opportunity to grow in anxiety tolerance. Some adversity (NOT ALL) really does build us up for the next set of adversities.
But, besides waiting for the next hardship or challenge in life, what can we do to build up anxiety tolerance? The answer isn’t the comfortable life. Everything in our culture is about obtaining comfort. This is especially prevalent in places like Florida, where I have witnessed comfort seeking first hand. One secret to happiness – avoid becoming a comfort seeker.
Have you ever run a marathon? Have you ever started a business with risks? Have you ever gave birth? You get the idea. These experiences are not comfortable (but, well worth it!).
Likewise, building anxiety tolerance is uncomfortable. Here are three strategies for seeking discomfort that will build your anxiety tolerance. First, seek out experiences that make you anxious. Second, reframe your thinking about discomfort and see it as a motivator (rather than a deterrent). Third, persist while accepting reasonable risks.
Again, one way to embrace adversity is to wait until something bad happens and then tell yourself that you are glad it’s happening (or “this is miserable but I will grow from it”). Actually, this cognitive preparation does help.
Another way is to seek discomfort as a way to build self-mastery. I am a big believer in not allowing anxiety to control your life. Taking action in seeking out experiences that make you anxious will build your anxiety tolerance. Is there anything you are avoiding? Are there anxieties that keep you from moving forward in any way?
A few years ago, I gave a person afraid of using public toilets an assignment to go into several of them on a daily basis. I was encouraging the young man to seek out experiences that made him anxious. What happened? His anxiety rose initially (which always happens with exposure therapy) but then declined over time as he gained mastery over his obsessions (dirtiness) and compulsions (avoidance).
Another way to seek discomfort is to see your anxiety as a green light and a motivator. When you experience anxiety, now is the time to act. Don’t wait until you “feel ready.” Nearly all the time for most people [who avoid], discomfort is a deterrent. Make discomfort a motivator. For individuals with social anxiety, being around others while thinking about being humiliated or embarrassed causes them to avoid.
When I was 19 years old, I returned to college for my second year having just read the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” I was determined to get out of my shell and be friendly (even if occasional embarrassment would be the cost). I had tremendous success in my social life and my discomfort became my motivator.
A third strategy is accepting the reasonable risks that come with seeking discomfort. A patient anxious about an upcoming dental appointment recently asked me, “Does anyone like going to the dentist?” The goal was to get to the dental appointment and not avoid, but it has its risks. Dating again following a divorce brings possible risks – It may not work out. Everything in life has risks! And you don’t have to bungee jump to experience risk. Accepting reasonable risk allows you to move forward and ACT. Courage involves refusing to AVOID.
Embracing adversity will build your tolerance! And, your SELF-MASTERY!
When consolation returns, further difficulties are around the corner. Let’s discuss one positive from the trials of life – it can be an opportunity to grow in anxiety tolerance. Some adversity (NOT ALL) really does build us up for the next set of adversities.
But, besides waiting for the next hardship or challenge in life, what can we do to build up anxiety tolerance? The answer isn’t the comfortable life. Everything in our culture is about obtaining comfort. This is especially prevalent in places like Florida, where I have witnessed comfort seeking first hand. One secret to happiness – avoid becoming a comfort seeker.
Have you ever run a marathon? Have you ever started a business with risks? Have you ever gave birth? You get the idea. These experiences are not comfortable (but, well worth it!).
Likewise, building anxiety tolerance is uncomfortable. Here are three strategies for seeking discomfort that will build your anxiety tolerance. First, seek out experiences that make you anxious. Second, reframe your thinking about discomfort and see it as a motivator (rather than a deterrent). Third, persist while accepting reasonable risks.
Again, one way to embrace adversity is to wait until something bad happens and then tell yourself that you are glad it’s happening (or “this is miserable but I will grow from it”). Actually, this cognitive preparation does help.
Another way is to seek discomfort as a way to build self-mastery. I am a big believer in not allowing anxiety to control your life. Taking action in seeking out experiences that make you anxious will build your anxiety tolerance. Is there anything you are avoiding? Are there anxieties that keep you from moving forward in any way?
A few years ago, I gave a person afraid of using public toilets an assignment to go into several of them on a daily basis. I was encouraging the young man to seek out experiences that made him anxious. What happened? His anxiety rose initially (which always happens with exposure therapy) but then declined over time as he gained mastery over his obsessions (dirtiness) and compulsions (avoidance).
Another way to seek discomfort is to see your anxiety as a green light and a motivator. When you experience anxiety, now is the time to act. Don’t wait until you “feel ready.” Nearly all the time for most people [who avoid], discomfort is a deterrent. Make discomfort a motivator. For individuals with social anxiety, being around others while thinking about being humiliated or embarrassed causes them to avoid.
When I was 19 years old, I returned to college for my second year having just read the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” I was determined to get out of my shell and be friendly (even if occasional embarrassment would be the cost). I had tremendous success in my social life and my discomfort became my motivator.
A third strategy is accepting the reasonable risks that come with seeking discomfort. A patient anxious about an upcoming dental appointment recently asked me, “Does anyone like going to the dentist?” The goal was to get to the dental appointment and not avoid, but it has its risks. Dating again following a divorce brings possible risks – It may not work out. Everything in life has risks! And you don’t have to bungee jump to experience risk. Accepting reasonable risk allows you to move forward and ACT. Courage involves refusing to AVOID.
Embracing adversity will build your tolerance! And, your SELF-MASTERY!
