My oldest sister Katherine Colino is an amazing woman. She played varsity basketball on very successful high school basketball teams (and on aside, she maintained a 100% free throw percentage throughout her HS career but came short of the school and state records due to her # of attempts). Her pursuit of excellence translated to BA and MBA degrees with high honors and a successful banking career. She married a brilliant entrepreneur and now live together in Ft Collins with four wonderful children. She and her husband were dealt a big blow when she was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. 2014 has been a year of recovery for the Colino family and Katie’s cancer is now in remission after extensive treatment and dedication to healing and recovery. As I like to say, she has successfully defeated cancer this year.
My family and I had a chance to visit my sister’s family in Colorado during Thanksgiving. I had a chance to share with my sister about a day in my life earlier this year as my sister was starting out her battle with cancer. On one particular day, I fell to my knees in the bathroom of my office overwhelmed with fear. Tears came down my face as I battled my fears with faith. To be honest, I struggled to tame my fears.
While Katie continues her healing and recovery, the primary battle is over. Every cancer cell is dead. And, our family [spread out around the nation] is in a great celebration. So, I recognize that taming fears is much easier to talk about after victories than after defeats. But, while I celebrate, I am reminded of key strategies that help us tame our concerns about loved ones. These FIVE ROCK SOLID TIPS are particularly relevant for PARENTS, who so often have fears about their kids – some of it self-imposed and some of it based on real life difficulties.
1. Relax
When we get fearful, our bodies secrete cortisol “the stress hormone” in higher levels during stress. This can lead to higher blood pressure, suppressed thyroid functioning, lowered immunity, and increased abdominal fat. Learning to relax your body through various tension and release of body parts can keep cortisol levels healthy and under control. Taking time to tense and relax each muscle group activates your parasympathetic nervous system helping you to feel relaxed. For example, extend your arms and clench your fists tightly for five seconds. Relax. Feel the tension leave your arms. Now do the same shrugging your shoulders up to your ears for five seconds. Relax.
2. Reframe
The essential ingredients to anxiety tolerance training are the 3 R’s: Relax your body, Reframe your thinking, and Resolve your fears. Reframing has to do with obtaining an alternative interpretation of the experience. Reframing means its inconvenient, but not a travesty. It's a difficult grind, but not a horror. Perspective broadening is a valuable gift when it comes to reframing. Forced to change your tire, fix your toilet, or get a new job is nothing compared to the hardship of surviving cancer.
3. Be mindful
The Jedi have it right on this one. Being mindful of the present is a gift. Observing your breath, taking time to notice your body in the moment, and noticing your reaction to the things around you as you read these words in the present is mindfulness. Being mindful is different than reframing. Being mindful involves accepting your thoughts and feelings, not pushing the thought processes and emotion away.
4. Connect
The quality of our lives is dependent on the quality of our relationships. Most problems arise from disconnection. A simple but profound tip is emphasizing the value of connecting with a friend or family member. Life’s journey of fears and anxieties are best handled with shared with others. But, then, that involves being vulnerable. We avoid being vulnerable because we are afraid of not connecting. In life, it is usually (not always) by being vulnerable that facilitates connecting.
5. Challenge your fears
Avoiding elevates fears and anxiety. I’m a huge believer in going right at things. Unlike Katie, I missed many free throws in high school. But, I kept shooting. Life throws tough stuff our way and facing the things head on elevates anxiety in the short term but empowers you in the long term.
A Toast
Back to the personal – we can’t say enough about the amazing people who have endured a battle with cancer. These tips can help us cope with fears and anxiety as we watch our loved ones suffer and hopefully survive. And, as a parent with a young child, there can be a lot of things that are scary – FAITH IS REQUIRED. But, more important than these tips, cancer is a sharp reminder of the importance of expressing love to our loved ones. Everyday that we get with them, there is another chance to express our love.
I want to express a written toast to my incredibly strong and resilient sister – Katie. She is a delight to spend time with. She is elegant, classy, witty, and selfless. She is a wonderful mother! and as her brother – I am grateful to say she is a cancer survivor.
My family and I had a chance to visit my sister’s family in Colorado during Thanksgiving. I had a chance to share with my sister about a day in my life earlier this year as my sister was starting out her battle with cancer. On one particular day, I fell to my knees in the bathroom of my office overwhelmed with fear. Tears came down my face as I battled my fears with faith. To be honest, I struggled to tame my fears.
While Katie continues her healing and recovery, the primary battle is over. Every cancer cell is dead. And, our family [spread out around the nation] is in a great celebration. So, I recognize that taming fears is much easier to talk about after victories than after defeats. But, while I celebrate, I am reminded of key strategies that help us tame our concerns about loved ones. These FIVE ROCK SOLID TIPS are particularly relevant for PARENTS, who so often have fears about their kids – some of it self-imposed and some of it based on real life difficulties.
1. Relax
When we get fearful, our bodies secrete cortisol “the stress hormone” in higher levels during stress. This can lead to higher blood pressure, suppressed thyroid functioning, lowered immunity, and increased abdominal fat. Learning to relax your body through various tension and release of body parts can keep cortisol levels healthy and under control. Taking time to tense and relax each muscle group activates your parasympathetic nervous system helping you to feel relaxed. For example, extend your arms and clench your fists tightly for five seconds. Relax. Feel the tension leave your arms. Now do the same shrugging your shoulders up to your ears for five seconds. Relax.
2. Reframe
The essential ingredients to anxiety tolerance training are the 3 R’s: Relax your body, Reframe your thinking, and Resolve your fears. Reframing has to do with obtaining an alternative interpretation of the experience. Reframing means its inconvenient, but not a travesty. It's a difficult grind, but not a horror. Perspective broadening is a valuable gift when it comes to reframing. Forced to change your tire, fix your toilet, or get a new job is nothing compared to the hardship of surviving cancer.
3. Be mindful
The Jedi have it right on this one. Being mindful of the present is a gift. Observing your breath, taking time to notice your body in the moment, and noticing your reaction to the things around you as you read these words in the present is mindfulness. Being mindful is different than reframing. Being mindful involves accepting your thoughts and feelings, not pushing the thought processes and emotion away.
4. Connect
The quality of our lives is dependent on the quality of our relationships. Most problems arise from disconnection. A simple but profound tip is emphasizing the value of connecting with a friend or family member. Life’s journey of fears and anxieties are best handled with shared with others. But, then, that involves being vulnerable. We avoid being vulnerable because we are afraid of not connecting. In life, it is usually (not always) by being vulnerable that facilitates connecting.
5. Challenge your fears
Avoiding elevates fears and anxiety. I’m a huge believer in going right at things. Unlike Katie, I missed many free throws in high school. But, I kept shooting. Life throws tough stuff our way and facing the things head on elevates anxiety in the short term but empowers you in the long term.
A Toast
Back to the personal – we can’t say enough about the amazing people who have endured a battle with cancer. These tips can help us cope with fears and anxiety as we watch our loved ones suffer and hopefully survive. And, as a parent with a young child, there can be a lot of things that are scary – FAITH IS REQUIRED. But, more important than these tips, cancer is a sharp reminder of the importance of expressing love to our loved ones. Everyday that we get with them, there is another chance to express our love.
I want to express a written toast to my incredibly strong and resilient sister – Katie. She is a delight to spend time with. She is elegant, classy, witty, and selfless. She is a wonderful mother! and as her brother – I am grateful to say she is a cancer survivor.