Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an evidence based treatment or form of talk therapy (psychotherapy) that is used to treat a wide range of psychological problems including but not limited to various forms of depression and anxiety. CBT helps clients change their thinking and behavior to produce more effective responses, emotions, healing, and change in their lives. CBT is definitely the preferred choice for clients for most problems. If you plan on talking to a therapist, ask the therapist if he or she does CBT and how this is different from standard counseling or talk therapy.
I want to break this down further into the key wisdom nuggets that apply to life. Consider the following truths of life:
I want to break this down further into the key wisdom nuggets that apply to life. Consider the following truths of life:
- This wound that you are experiencing right now will either shape you or scar you.
- It is not what happens to you, it is how you respond to it that matters the most. How are you responding? During significant wounds, the pain endures. After very trying times, most people are barely trying to find their footing as they settle into a new normal. Yet, it is helpful to see how this is refining you? This can keep you stuck or it can change you. Consider this response—this challenge will either break me or make me.
- The late Kobe Bryant burned with passion. He said whatever you do, do it to the best of your ability and become the best version of yourself. Whether you liked basketball or not, this is a great reminder for us all. Your mission is to be the vest version of yourself.
- Goals are dreams with a deadline. Set a goal and be determined to do “whatever it takes.” It may also be time to dream again. Life has a way of weighing us down. Throw that weight off. It is time to dream again.
- Your brain is on your side. But you have to use brain shaping techniques to re-engage the frontal lobe when stress starts elevating. During stress, the amygdala can take over resulting in flooding. The flooding overwhelms your prefrontal cortex. Thus, your abilities to learn, abstract, inhibit, reason, problem solve, and critically think are all impaired by emotion that is flooding your brain. Re-engaging your left prefrontal cortex can help stabilize your brain. One way to re-engage your prefrontal cortex is by box breathing: visualize drawing a box as you inhale four, then draw the top of the box by holding for four, then draw the right side by exhaling four, then continue seeing yourself draw the box by inhaling four, holding for four, exhaling for four…again… inhaling four, holding for four, exhaling for four…. again… Imagine drawing a box by inhaling four, holding for four, and exhaling for four.
- Another way to re-engage your left prefrontal cortex is by spelling your kid’s name backwards and say out loud one thing you are grateful for in this kid. If you are not a parent, spell the name of your best friend backwards. Re-engaging your left prefrontal cortex by reciting the alphabet backwards stabilizes your stress level and reshapes your brain.
- Having coping skills like the above two bullet points helps but taking perspective makes the largest and most meaningful difference. What drives you? What motivates you? What is your purpose? What is your passion?
- Commit everyday to be better than yesterday. Commit to holding nothing back on this day. We’ve all heard it – Live this day as if it is your last day. But we do need to make decisions on what is best long term. To make it more simple, try this – Live this day as if it will top yesterday!
- Accept full responsibility for your life. Accept full responsibility for any good that arises and for anything that is ugly and inconvenient. It is easy to take responsibility for achievements or good things. It is much more difficult to take responsibility for ugly things in your life. The first step to changing the ugly is to take responsibility. One of the refreshing things about working with addicts or former addicts now living in complete victory is that they take responsibility, do an inventory, take accountability for what they’ve done, and they are pursing the best version of themselves with joy and without bitterness. I joked with a client of mine this week when we said, “everybody needs to be in recovery.”
- The quality of your life is dependent on the quality of your relationships. But, at the end of the day, who are you when you are alone in the shower? Who are you when nobody is around to tell you how lousy or toxic you are, how amazing and gifted you are, how much they love you, how happy they are when they are with you, or irritating or frustrating you are….Who are you when you are alone and not hearing negative words or positive words? Who are you when nobody is with you? Ultimately, your life depends on your peace when you are alone.
- Directly speak these words into your consciousness. Remember that you define your reality.
- I am worthy.
- I am loveable.
- I am significant.
- I am loved.
- I am called.
- I am chosen.
- I am destined.
- I am steady.
- I am consistent.
- I am grounded.
- Let me share some wisdom spoken to Spencer by his father in the neflix show All American: “Tackle your problems head on. Block out your fears. Be strong.” Be strong (Philippians 4:13). And, let our love consume the darkness and drive out the hate.